A wee bit of fluff
by akaeve
Summary: Just a me story I wanted to write. Gibbs is asked to go undercover as a drag artiste.


A wee bit of fluff

"No, no, no, Agent Todd, do you know what you are asking?" a certain Special Agent shouted at his female co-worker.

"Boss," Tim ventured, "Director Morrow would like a word…in MTAC."

"You can tell him no too. No, I will." as Jethro climbed the stairs two at a time, and headed for MTAC.

"Director explain," as he entered the room and saw the Director standing in front of the big screen.

"Gibbs," the voice on the screen said, nice to see you again.

"Admiral," Gibbs acknowledged, "Someone want to explain why?"

"Gibbs," Director started to say, " We have a dead Captain, whose private life seems to have been very private, until now."

"Yes, we didn't know Jason, was a Flo on a bad night. In fact how do we put this…..he was a drag queen."

"That not the same as a transvestite?" Jethro now enquired.

"No, a transvestite wants to pass as a woman, a cross dresser. A drag queen is a cartoon, an over the top actor, what they say in Britain pantomime dame."

"And?" Gibbs asked the Admiral, "Where is leading us to."

As Director Morrow turned to face Gibbs, "We need an…..undercover Agent to go the places, clubs, our dead Captain did. We need someone the same build and age as our dead Captain. We need…."

"No. No way Sirs." as Gibbs turned and walked out the door. Director Morrow called Kate.

"You knew didn't you?" he shouted at poor Kate.

"Director asked me to profile and well….."

"What about DiNozzo?" Gibbs stormed.

"Too camp Boss." she replied, "He'd mince his way through….and probably fall victim." as she smiled sweetly at Tony. Who sugary smiled back.

"Think I'm going to be sick" Tim answered.

"And….so you decided on me."

"Yes Gibbs. Director agreed."

"I just can't see Gibbs in a dress. Can you Tim?" Tony laughed.

"No I can't, he's just too macho for that sort of thing…..now you Tone." Tim replied smiling.

"Enough. Both of you. Kate? What do you have in mind for me?" he now asked her smiling.

"Well you are 6 foot. 46inch chest, waist 36-38, hips, in proportion, but A-line dress. Low cut dress, long gloves."

"Hey I won't shave…or wax." Gibbs shouted.

"Ok, Gibbs, but the under arms….please."

"Don't want the hanging gardens of Babylon, do we" Tony ventured, "No of course not." seeing the glint in DiNozzo's eye.

"Am I going to be the laughing stock of the Department?"

"No, NFA maybe, but the department no." Tony replied.

"NFA?" Gibbs shouted.

"National Federation of Actors." Tim replied not looking up from his computer, "Or National Farmers Association."

"A farmer eh. Funny lot out west." Tony answered.

[In back ground, Ducks, Jimmy, Fornell dressed in the costumes of the Village people]

Gibbs turned, and stared the Gibbs stare, "That is not funny." as the three slinked off.

"He really should get a life." Jimmy whispered.

The next morning saw Gibbs at autopsy.

"What am I doing here?" he asked, looking at Ducky.

"Well Kate decided this would be the best place to…..how do I say this Jethro…to relieve you of any surplus hair. So if you could…sexily undress, I will begin."

Jimmy stood in the background grinning, like a Cheshire cat, a tin of shaving cream in his hand.

"Now Jethro, if I maybe so bold as to ask you to take your tops off, I will get started." Dr Mallard now asked, "Now be a good body and raise your arm."

Gibbs watched as Jimmy approached and schooshed the cream into his [url=.org/wiki/Oxter] oxter, [/url] Ducks flicked the cut-throat open.

"Now this won't hurt or take long." as Duks wielded the instrument, carefully shaving and wiping the cream and hair onto a towel, "Other arm Jethro." as Gibbs duly did as he was told, he looked towards the door. He just saw three heads duck down.

"There now that didn't hurt did it?" Ducky enquired.

"The only thing hurt is my feelings and my pride." Gibbs replied, slipping his tops back on. He could only hope that the Director and Kate knew what they were doing.

"Boss?" Tim ventured, as Gibbs entered the bullpen, he raised his arm and took a quick wiff of the shaving cream He needed a shower. He just hoped that nobody would suggest the final embarrassing thought, the groin. If anyone did then they would definitely be [url=.com/watch?v=MTwq1_9VH68] in the navy[/url] and made to walk the plank or even keel hauled. He wasn't going to be made a muppet of this situation.

Gibbs sat his desk, he took the stress ball from his lower drawer and squeezed. He needed to think. He just hoped that the Director and Kate would change their minds. He needed to bend the rules, he needed to show them, and the boys, he was no easy touch or push over. Now where would Kate hide the dress. He remembered when she wanted him to dress in the brides dress. Dress…ladies locker room. Gibbs smiled a sly smile. No that would be too simple, it would have to be a locker room in the guys gym, but whose. Certainly not his own, so probably….Gibbs bounced the ball into the bucket, and went to the gym.

It was late, the die-hards had all given up and gone to the bar, to replace the fluid they had sweated out. Gibbs took out his knife and headed for McGee's locker. He manipulated the lock and it sprung open. There hanging in a polythene cover was a long black dress with gold sequins covering the built in and up bra. A pair of long black gloves hung over a hanger. A large false gold diamante ring stitched to the ring finger. Gibbs moved the dress back and saw the shoes. No way was he wearing them. He carefully shut the locker door and returned to the bullpen.

The next morning saw Gibbs writing a report. He had been up all night. He needed to speak to Kate. He heard them before he saw them.

"I tell you it was the _Village of the Damned. _It was adapted from the book Midwich Cookoos." Tony shouted.

"No, was it from that other film, you know the _Body Snatchers." _Kate replied.

"Well I don't really like that sort of film it gives me nightmares." Tim replied, now looking at Gibbs, "Been in long Boss." he now asked quivering.

Gibbs raised his eyebrow, and replied. "Long enough to know you lot are up to no good."

"That would be the chilli you had last night. Always gives me a gut ache." Tony answered.

"Got thinking DiNozzo," now looking Tony in the eye.

"Dangerous Gibbs." Kate replied.

"If you say so…but this drag queen thing. I mean where or how does a guy hang. I remember watching _Silence of the Lambs, _and the guy, well how did he hide it?"

"Well Boss you know….."

"No I don't….was wondering if you could perhaps….you know, explain a bit,, or better still, show me." Gibbs asked with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, looking over at Kate.

"Not here?" Tony questioned.

"Nah, was thinking autopsy." Gibbs relied moving his head as he does when he's up to something. He stood up and looked at Tony, "It's quiet. Duks won't be in 'til later. Jimmy called in, he's got a dental appointment. So no time like the present."

Tony stood amazed. Kate smiled. Tim? He just wondered where this was leading, as he followed Gibbs and the others to autopsy.

The dress hung on the coat stand. The shoes neatly underneath. They, that would be the team stood speechless.

"How?….How?" Tim stammered.

"Easy McGee when you are in charge of a bunch of muppets. So DiNozzo," Gibbs asked looking at his most senior agent, "How do they hide their bits?"

"Ah Boss, good question that needs a good answer, and if it wasn't for Kate here I might just explain the fundamental art of discreetly hiding your privates."

"DiNozzo, I was a Gunny I know where privates hide….but I need to know."

Kate coughed, "Will I go?"

"I think, my good Catholic chocolate muffin, maybe you should go and visit Abby." Tony answered.

Kate looked at Gibbs who smiled a wicked smile.

"Fine….but Tony I have brothers I know what a mans ding a ling looks like, and Gibbs they played that sort of game when they were trying on my sisters clothes. But I will go and find Abby." as she walked away out the door.

"Well Tony I'm waiting." Gibbs leant back against one of the tables and folded his arms. What the boys hadn't seen was Kate switching on the camera between the lab and autopsy.

Tony smiled the DiNozzo smile and took his jacket began to unbuckle his trousers.

"You sure Kate went to find Abby?" Tony enquired looking about and over shoulders. "Because I'm sure I heard a stifled laugh."

"Nope. I trust her not to be here," Gibbs replied. "But come on we haven't got all day, as he stood up and unfolded his arms, but stared at Tony.

Tony dropped his trousers, "You don't really want me to go further do you?"

"You got this far DiNozzo."

"You sure there's no-one watching Boss?" Tony enquired.

"Well only me and Tim, and Tim is google eyed." Gibbs replied smiling.

"Ok, so just for a quick reference would it be alright if I kept my trousers on and just dropped my pants?"

"If it gives me the knowledge to pull this exercise off. Whatever. Just do it DiNozzo, that's an order." Gibbs bellowed.

"Ok Boss but you promise you wont laugh. I mean I…..you know how I like a little man pampering…." Tony thought he heard a cough, and a snuffle.

"Well DiNozzo, you got something to show us or not.?" Gibbs again asked.

"I….I did this for the summer, when it was too hot…and I well kinda liked it."

"Liked what DiNozzo?"

"This Boss." as Tony dropped his nicks to show a very groomed short cut groin region, as Tony turned a very deep shade of red, all that could be heard from the lab was laughter, real girl laughter.

"Nice one Tony," Kate shouted. "Just a little bit of fluff."


End file.
